Corny Banjo Jokes Competition

[thereallyniceman]

It is getting far too serious around here so I thought we could add a bit of jollity to the proceedings with a CB (Corny Banjo) Joke contest.

Remember we are aiming for the most groans.. I am sure that we will know the winner.

So come on all visitors say hello and see if you can be booed off the stage ;-)

Here is my go:

I started a Banjo Group some time ago and called it  999Megabytes....  because we never got a gig.

:-)

Ta Da 

[Jody Stecher]

Many years ago, in the 60s, Gardyloo magazine printed a photo essay on How To Convert Your Banjo To A Boat Anchor. It was done by banjoists Mike Cogan and Mike Rivers and it was very funny. It involved mixing cement and filling the banjo and letting it dry and taking it out in a boat and throwing it overboard.  And they really did it too. I wonder if I can find it somewhere. (the essay, not the banjo. I know where that is).

thereallyniceman said:

What's the difference between a ship's anchor and a banjo?

...you tie a rope to the anchor before you throw it over the side.

[Patrick Garner]

If that "isn't the one," you're definitely holding out on us. :-)

[Jody Stecher]

It's mostly all the other forum members who are  doing the Serious Heavy Duty holding out and have not posted banjo jokes. 

Patrick Garner said:

If that "isn't the one," you're definitely holding out on us. :-)

[Patrick Garner]

Explained by a banjo player's sister to the banjoist: 

What's the best banjo mute out there?

Then, with a single word, the sister pulls from her back pant's pocket a pair of wire cutters and says, "Here."

[Shawn McSweeny]

Last week I parked the car to run some errands and left my banjo in the back seat. On my return, I could see the rear windscreen had been smashed. I rushed to the car, fearing the worst .   .   .   .

In the back there were now two banjos.

drum roll,  please.   OK Jody,  time for your favorite.

[Jody Stecher]

OK. Well you see, it's like this: yr man goes into a pawn shop and hanging there, amidst the fishing rods, guitars, and electric basses, there is very nice dead rat, hanging by his tail.

He asks the gruff pawnbroker for the price.

How much for the rat?

The rat is not for sale.

How much would it be if it *was* for sale?

You couldn't afford the rat.

It's an awfully nice rat, are you sure?

I'm not selling the rat for any price

I'll give you a thousand dollars for the rat.

Give me two thousand dollars and the rat is yours.

Really?

Yeah. BUT…..don't try to bring it back for a refund or exchange, All sales are final. I'm not gonna take back dis rat, got that? 

So money changes hands and the customer walks out, delighted, carrying the rat by the tail, feeling on top of the world. Who wouldn't?  After he walks a block or two he has an uneasy feeling and looks behind him. He is being followed by several rats, very much alive. Now as he walks along, rats start running out of cellar doors, out of alleyways, and even jumping out of high windows. The rats fall in line and follow the man carrying the dead rat. Understanding dawns. He changes direction and with great purpose strides swiftly to the wharf. He reaches the water's edge and steps aside. Thousands of rats plunge in and sink to the bottom. Rat in hand, he walks back to the pawn to the pawn shop and enters boldly. The pawnbroker is as gruff as ever.

Oh, it's you, huh?  I ain't takin' back da rat. 

No, I...

No refunds, no exchanges

But you see, I...

LOOK I TRIED TO TELL YOUSE, DIS RAT IS NOW YOURS LIKE POIMENTANTLY

Sir, I am very satisfied with the rat and I don't want you to take it back.

NO?

No. I was just wondering…...

Yeah?

I was just wondering….um…if….well, …..have you got any banjos????

Shawn McSweeny said:

  OK Jody,  time for your favorite.

[Shawn McSweeny]

Good one!

[Patrick Garner]

Way complicated. :-)  I kept wondering, "where's the banjo stuff"! 

[Hal Allert]

I know my banjo playing has been educational for some people because, after a recent performance, I overheard an old lady turn to her friend and say, "Well, that certainly taught me a lesson."

[Tony Mear]

What do you call the attractive woman on the banjo player's arm?

[Tony Mear]

A Tattoo

[3iv8pyyhxxoiv]

What's the connection between a banjo and a hand grenade?