Corny Banjo Jokes Competition

[thereallyniceman]

It is getting far too serious around here so I thought we could add a bit of jollity to the proceedings with a CB (Corny Banjo) Joke contest.

Remember we are aiming for the most groans.. I am sure that we will know the winner.

So come on all visitors say hello and see if you can be booed off the stage ;-)

Here is my go:

I started a Banjo Group some time ago and called it  999Megabytes....  because we never got a gig.

:-)

Ta Da 

[Jody Stecher]

Q: what do you call 3000 banjos at the bottom of the sea?

A:  a good start.

[Jody Stecher]

Q: What do you do when there is a banjo player at your front door?

A: Pay him for the pizza.

[Patrick Garner]

Here's an old one, with many variations...

What's the difference between a banjo and a parrot?
Hm, one is obnoxious & noisy; the other is, well, just a bird.

[Jody Stecher]

A cousin of that one: What's the difference between a banjo and a chainsaw?

A chainsaw has dynamic range.

Patrick Garner said:

Here's an old one, with many variations...

What's the difference between a banjo and a parrot?
Hm, one is obnoxious & noisy; the other is, well, just a bird.

[Jody Stecher]

One of the few times I  lost my composure during a stage performance and couldn't regain it  was at the Tennessee Banjo Institute in 1990 (at which classic banjo was well represented, but not by me).  At the public concert, each of many banjo players or groups containing a banjo or banjos or many banjos was given a small allotted time to play. I appeared a number of times, twice playing guitar-banjo as accompanist,  once to an Irish tenor banjo and once to a Klezmer tenor banjo, and then again as a tambourine player in a minstrel band, and finally as a singer and fiddler playing with a five-string banjo duo, one of whom played clawhammer and the other Scruggs-style bluegrass. A good sound, that. We played one piece and we had a few minutes left but not enough to play another tune. I thought I'd tell a banjo joke. I said, as a prelude to the joke :  "In California we tell banjo jokes".  Some quick witted individual replied in a more-than-slightly hostile and booming voice, for which no microphone was necessary: "In Tennessee we tell California jokes". I lost my rhythm and composure and told the joke badly and bombed. Total bust. Fortunately they liked the music that preceded the mis-told joke. But I don't know if I can ever tell that joke again. Too bad, it's my favorite. It would win this contest, you betcha.

[Patrick Garner]

Oh come on. Now you HAVE to tell that joke. 

[Jody Stecher]

Oh I couldn't possibly ;-)

Oh, alright. But maybe I'll wait until 10 or 20 other jokes are submitted. I'm surprised there's been no response to Ian's request. He didn't ask for *good* jokes, or even funny ones. All banjo jokes are groaners anyway so it should be no great effort to come up with a bad one. But so far it's just Ian, me and you, Patrick. 

Meanwhile here's another (not *the* joke though):  What's the difference between a banjo and an onion? No one cries when you cut up a banjo.

Patrick Garner said:

Oh come on. Now you HAVE to tell that joke. 

[Ray Jones]

I can honestly say that I am the greatest banjoist in the Country!

In the City, "not so good",        BUT IN THE COUNTRY!!

[Jody Stecher]

You must be near where I am. I play five-string banjo but have been advised to play tenor. Tenor eleven miles away from where anybody lives, that is.

Ray Jones said:

I can honestly say that I am the greatest banjoist in the Country!

In the City, "not so good",        BUT IN THE COUNTRY!!

[Patrick Garner]

Good one, Jody. :-)

[thereallyniceman]

What's the difference between a ship's anchor and a banjo?

...you tie a rope to the anchor before you throw it over the side.

[Jody Stecher]

This isn't *the one* but I like it:  A banjo player and another musician were friends. That's not the whole joke, hang on, there's more. The player of the other instrument was having memory problems and took a course in memory improvement. He got good results and recommended it to the banjo player. A week or two into the banjo player's memory course the friends had dinner together with their wives. "Well, how is the memory class coming along?"  "very nicely. I especially like the trick of remembering people's names by matching them to an image".  "Oh, yes, I remember that. Let's see if it's working. What's your instructor's name?"  The banjo players replies  " what do you call that flower that smells good and has thorns?"  "you mean a rose?"  "Yeah, that's it!",  and turning to his wife he says "Rose, what's the name of my Memory Instructor?"